Screwtape rip-off

My Dear Wormwood,
By your last letter, I can see that you are making slow, but steady process. That, indeed, is the best kind! If you had sent me a letter that delighted in your recent conquests, I would know that her repentance must not be far behind. You need to make sure your charge does not see her slow descent towards hell. I noticed many areas where you should concentrate your efforts, but I will begin enlightening you with only a few.
The first and most important is her love of food, specifically chocolate. You may think that this is more to satisfy her disgusting physical desires, but this can be more spiritual than you realize. I hope that you realized that many times when she sits down to eat, it is not out of “hunger” but for a different need. You must feed these desires! Any time you see her feel anxious or lonely, convince her that all she needs is a little morsel; just a small treat and she will feel better. Don’t you see? In this way, she will never feel the need to sit down and pray, as long as she has a physical taste to soothe her.
Another wonderful aspect of your charge is her want of striking out when she is feeling hurt or insecure. What an easy job you have ahead of you, Wormwood! Find out who is in charge of her husband and coordinate. When her husband says anything, however small, convince her that she is the victim and therefore has the right to lash out at him. It won’t take much work because she is already very insecure, yet quick to rise in anger. Don’t even worry when you see her think “I must control my temper. It is something I need to work on.” It is so much in her nature she will not be able to change it. As we all know, the road leading here is paved with “good” intentions.
Now for areas where you must get her to change. Number one: Do not let her write on her so-called “blog”. This is dangerous in many ways. It causes her to become introspective and think about deeper things. You might say that mainly she tries to write humor, but any type of writing will cause a person to think – and that they must not do! That is when the Enemy will whisper to them, and they will hear it more easily. Fill her head with distractions! Don’t give her time to write! Have her husband watch TV or play loud music. Anything so she cannot hear the whispering.
The “blog” is also dangerous because it is something she actually takes pleasure in working on. How disgusting is this “pleasure” that the Enemy created! Never let her take pleasure in anything she is doing. Whenever she is happy, or moved, or enjoying something simply for enjoyments sake – that is dangerous territory. We must take her pleasure and distort it. Make her feel obligated to write. Make her feel that there are certain things she should and should not write about, which will take her pleasure away. Do you not see how she cries when she hears beautiful music? Do you not see how she laughs with her friends and giggles with her husband? Do not allow these things because they are gifts from the Enemy! Any pleasure that the Enemy allows in the lives of these horrid creatures is only useful to us if we can distort it. If you allow her to experience pleasure in its purest form (ie. before we have gotten to it), she will feel closer to the Enemy. It is then that you must watch out, because she may move into praise and prayer. At those points, you will have no access to her at all.
So you see, my dear Wormwood, you have a lot to learn. Continue to work on her slowly, do not let her sense your presence. Update me regularly and I will be able to help you. But remember, if you fail, I will have nothing to do with you.
Sincerely,
Screwtape

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~ by Amy on October 3, 2006.

4 Responses to “Screwtape rip-off”

  1. In case you didn’t know, I totally took this idea from CS Lewis’s “The Screwtape Letters”. I just wondered what Screwtape would say about my life and this is what I ended up with…

  2. Amy, I loved this! You have a writing knack and I love reading all of your postings. You need to pursue this venue.

    Love you!
    Suz

  3. You have been given a great mind Amy. Thanks for writing down your thoughts and sharing them. God is using you in the lives of your readers. Please continue!

    Love,

    Mom (Pam)

  4. I’m a dittohead, Amy. I ditto everything that Suz and Mom (Pam) says. This posting is both clever and insightful. Keep up the good work. You really should publish (for pay!!!)
    Love, Dad

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